


Heart On Your Sleeve Like You've Never Been Loved

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anorexia, Anxiety, Blood, Bottom Tyler, Break Up, Cheating, Domestic Discipline, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Force-Feeding, Forced Orgasm, Gore, Insanity, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Murder, Obedience, Panic Attacks, Pining, Possible Character Death, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Shy Tyler, Slut Shaming, Smut, Stuttering Tyler, Triggers, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:57:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8745775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Clean, clean, clean. Tyler will get so clean, so pretty for Josh.





	1. I'm Way Too Far Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a long one buckle up kiddos
> 
>  
> 
> b y thE WAY WHEN I SAY BOXERS I MEAN BOXER BRIEFS ITS JUST EASIER TO SAY BOXERS OKAY OKAY

The signs started out small. 

Tyler would notice he didn't get as many kisses as he usually did, maybe Josh didn't touch him as much, little things like that. 

He shouldn't have worried about them as much as he did. 

He just missed Josh's comforting whispers, his voice. 

The way he would wake up each morning with strong arms pulling him close, chapped lips pressing against his bare shoulders. 

Sometimes Tyler wondered if it was him doing something wrong, if it was him that pushed Josh away. 

There were also times when Tyler was much too hard on himself. 

Josh didn't know about those nights. 

He was too emotional, he'd been told. 

Tyler had always been quiet, small.  
It could've been his nervous stuttering and constant blushing that pulled Josh in the first time they met, really. 

He wanted to tell Josh about those nights, when he would be crouched on the bathroom floor, a razor in his right hand, a mess around him. 

He decided it was best to keep it secret. 

\- 

"J-Josh?" 

"Yes?" 

"I-I love y-you," Tyler swallowed, fiddling with his thumbs. 

They were seated together on the couch; close, but not yet touching.

"I love you too, Tyler." Josh's eyes didn't meet his. 

Tyler scooted closer, hesitantly looking at the man next to him with doe eyes. 

Josh glanced down at him, raising an eyebrow. 

His small frame fit into Josh's easily, Tyler finally letting out a shaky sigh once Josh hummed quietly, his arm snaking around Tyler's shoulders and pulling him closer to his chest. 

"U-Um, J-Josh, can I k-kiss y-you?" Tyler mumbled the question, his lips barely moving. 

"Yeah." Josh tilted his head, those calm mocha eyes boring into Tyler's panicked chocolate ones. 

He leaned in first, giving Tyler relief as he took the lead, pressing their lips together softly.

Tyler whimpered slightly, his hands gingerly touching Josh's muscled biceps.  
God, he wanted to grip them roughly, drag his nails over the skin.

He was afraid.

Afraid Josh would recoil, turn away from him.  
Call him disgusting, a freak.

He wanted Josh's touches again.

In fact, what was he _doing_?  
Tyler was filthy, a waste of skin, imperfect.

He did _not_ deserve to be kissed by Josh.  
Or anyone, for that matter.

He leaned back, tears pricking his eyes.

"Tyler?"

The small boy let out a sob and covered his mouth with his hand, thin, frail fingers tracing his hot lips.

"Tyler," Josh sat up, eyebrows furrowed and head tilted.

Tyler felt sick.

He usually did, anyways.

Josh's hands fit around Tyler's arms, his skin cold.

"Ty, what's wrong?"

"I c-c-can't can't, can't," He stood suddenly, running towards the bathroom, a hand clamped over his stomach.

He couldn't stand himself.

Walking around Josh looking like he did.  
He was _fat_.  
He needed to get c l e a n. 

So clean, perfect and shiny just for Josh.

"Tyler, open the door."

Tyler was hunched over the toilet, tears running down his face.

Clean, clean, clean.

He shoved two fingers down his throat, and three gags later he was vomiting everything in his stomach, which wasn't much.  
Heaves wracked his delicate frame, making him shudder and cry out softly.

Clean, clean, cleanclean cl-

" _Tyler ___."

He couldn't stand himself.

And now Josh knew.

Josh now knew why Tyler never liked to take his shirt off, why they never went farther than kissing, why his boyfriend always pushed his hands away when they went for his waist.

Tyler just didn't want Josh to know.

He slumped against the wall, sobbing as he felt the last few dry heaves move through his body, forcing him to double over.

The doorknob jiggled frantically, Josh's pleas muffled through the wood.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," Tyler tugged his hair, running his tongue over his teeth, the bone gritty and foul-tasting.

-

Tyler had opened the door three hours later, tufts of hair stuck in between his fingers and bile dried on his chin.

"Tyler."

Josh was waiting, arms crossed.

"Explain."

"J-Josh I-I-I'm sorry I-" Tyler's bottom lip quivered and he swallowed the lump in his throat, shaky sobs bubbling from his mouth.

"You need help, Tyler."

"No, J-Josh p-please d-d-don't m-make me g-go," He covered his face, ears red with shame.

Josh simply stood, grabbing Tyler's thin wrist and dragging him towards the kitchen.

"Sit." Josh pointed at the linoleum floor and Tyler obeyed, his legs crossed.

"Take your shirt off."

Tyler let out a whimper, his face a mask of pleading.

"B-But-"

" _Now_." 

Tyler's baggy t-shirt was tossed to the floor, revealing his tiny body; ribs sticking out, hip bones sharp and pointing out.

It was sick.

Josh nearly grimaced.

"I'm s-s-sorry Josh I-I'm s-so f-f-fat," Tyler cried, wiping his eyes.

He tried to cover himself, the pudgy skin barely hanging over the sides of his tight jeans making Tyler feel like a fucking elephant.

"Tyler," Josh sighed through his nose, kneeling down in front of his boyfriend.

"Take off your jeans."

Tyler cried when the garment fell onto the floor, revealing his slightly thicker hips and thighs, riddled with stretch marks.

"I-I'm s-s-so ugly Josh I-I'm s-s-sorry," Tyler covered his face, his body flushed.

"You're beautiful."

-

"W-What are y-y-you doing-?" Tyler sniffled, wiping a stray tear.

Josh was busying himself in the fridge, digging through the contents and laying certain items on the counter.

"You're going to eat."

"N-No Josh p-p-p-please d-don't m-m-make m-me please," Tyler stuttered out, his speech slurring and dripping with anxiety.

"Sit at the table."

Tyler stayed in his spot on the floor, his shirt back on, the fabric flowing loosely around his body.

"I _said_ ," Josh grabbed Tyler by his shoulders, yanking him up and earning a high pitched yelp. 

" _Sit at the table_." 

Tiny bruises were already forming from where Josh had grabbed him, the skin pale and fragile.

He was seated at the dining room table, legs crossed diligently.

He wrinkled his nose as the smell of different assorted dishes wafted into the dining room.

Josh walked out with two plates, both piled with what looked like spaghetti and enchiladas.

Tyler's stomach turned and he turned his nose up, grimacing.

"H-H-How d-did you e-e-even make t-this s-so fast?" He bit his lip, swallowing back bile as Josh set the plates down and went back for more.

"Obviously you haven't been paying attention, Tyler; these are all leftovers from previous nights." Josh set down garlic bread and even more things, but Tyler was done looking at it and had squeezed his eyes shut.

"Open your mouth, Tyler."

Tyler shook his head quickly, his stomach making odd noises.

Josh gripped Tyler's chin, forcing his tiny mouth open.

Tyler scratched at Josh's hands, his throat convulsing after he tried to swallow.

He made guttural noises, whining as Josh stabbed a bite of God-knows-what with a fork, easing it into Tyler's mouth.

The boy held the bite of lasagna in his mouth, tongue recoiling from it.  
A gag crept up Tyler's esophagus, the poor thing silently pleading with Josh to let him spit the food out.

"Swallow it. Swallow one bite and you can be done."

Tyler was continuously visited by gags the entire time the food slid down his throat, but he swallowed it and stood shakily, pale and sweaty.

"Don't you dare go into the bathroom."

Tyler had a hand over his mouth, dry heaves echoing through the room.

He eventually fell to his knees, throwing up bile and tiny bits of lasagna all over the hardwood floor, his body aching.

His hands were covered in his own sick, and he cursed himself for thinking he could hold it in.

Josh simply stood, grabbing a paper towel and wetting it. He walked over to Tyler and knelt, cleaning the bile off of his face.

Tyler was crying and he flinched away from Josh's touch, his shirt stained and dirty, eyes puffy.

"Look what you've done, Tyler."

-

After Josh had cleaned up Tyler's mess calmly, putting away the food until next time, he approached his shaking boyfriend, who was sitting gingerly on the couch, careful not to stain it.

"Come on, get up, we're gonna clean you up." Josh snapped, making the other boy wince.

Tyler stepped carefully into the bathroom, where Josh had run a warm bath for him.

"Undress." Josh ordered.

"I-I-I d-don't wanna-"

"I didn't ask you what you wanted; get undressed, Tyler. You either get clean or you sit in your own filth. It's your choice."

Tyler sniffled and lifted his soiled shirt off of his head, crossing his legs self-consciously when he pulled his boxers down to his ankles, stepping out of them warily.

Josh's eyes drank him in; the way his hips curved with his luscious thighs, flushed and pink.

Those were something Tyler could never get rid of, no matter how hard he tried.

He sank into the tub, the water relaxing and warm around him.

Josh got on his knees, wetting his hands in the water before washing Tyler thoroughly, making sure to scrub his skin hard.

Tyler watched with wide eyes.  
Usually, bathing for him meant sitting in the tub while cold water ran on him from the shower.

But he never told Josh that, of course.

"You can feel clean this way, too, okay Tyler?"

"No, I-I d-d-don't f-feel clean, J-Josh I d-d-don't," Tyler tucked his knees into his chest, scratching absentmindedly at his arms.

Josh sighed, sudsing up Tyler's hair with shampoo, his fingernails digging into the boy's scalp.

"O-Ow," Tyler flinched, noticing the red now oozing from his arms.

"Tyler," Josh scolded, cupping water in his hands and washing the newly dug scratches in Tyler's forearms.

"S-S-Sorry," He mumbled, soap dripping into the water from his hair.

"You're gonna have to go under the water, okay?" Josh gave Tyler a reassuring look, as if to say, 'You're going to be fine.'

Tyler's eyes widened but he nodded, allowing Josh to dip his head back into the water until the shampoo was rinsed.

-

"T-T-Thank y-you," Tyler mumbled.  
He was plopped on their bed, a towel wrapped around his shoulders.

"You're welcome." Josh was rifling through the dresser they shared, picking out a new pair of boxers and an old t-shirt.

"I-I-I-I'm s-sorry J-J-Josh I m-made a m-m-mess," He mewled, droplets of water stuck to his long eyelashes.

"You're fine, Tyler, you're just sick, that's all."

Tyler stayed quiet at the word sick.

"Are you ready to go to bed, Tyler?"

Josh had dressed the other boy, earning blushes and a small squeal when he had pulled the boxers on.

"Y-Yes."

Tyler had laid back onto the bed, his knees tucked in.

Josh now noticed how dark the circles under Tyler's eyes were, how hollowed his cheeks were.

It was saddening to know that he had lived with this boy for at least two years without realizing what the problem was.

He must've not payed much attention to his face as much as he did his body.

Then again, who wouldn't?

"G-G-Good n-night, Josh," Tyler whispered, his eyes becoming huge once the light was turned out.

"Good night, Tyler. I love you," Josh laid down next to him, stroking his hair softly.

"I l-l-love y-you t-t-too."


	2. Tell Me We Weren't Just Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not because he wants to. 
> 
> He NEEDS to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus this was a hit wasn't it holy sh

Tyler woke before Josh did. 

He sat up, shaking and sweaty from the night terrors. 

Of course, Josh didn't know about these, either. 

It was better that he didn't, since all of them were about him. 

And all of them included Tyler killing. 

He stared at the man lying next to him.  
Peaceful.  
Quiet. 

Pretty. 

Tyler got out of bed, walking into the bathroom carefully. 

He didn't do it because he wanted to. 

He NEEDED to. 

His knees slamming against the tile, Tyler slipped his fingers into his throat until he touched the back, lips sputtering as he coughed, gagging all the while. 

When the bile finally came out Tyler's knuckles were white, gripping the toilet seat. 

It felt _good_. 

_So_ good. 

He wiped his mouth, shuddering as the last few heaves ran up his spine. 

__A hand lifted his shirt, rubbing circles on his stomach gently._ _

__A small moan escaped his lips, eyes fluttering shut._ _

__If anyone would've seen the way his eyelashes cast shadows across his cheeks, how his lips parted slowly, forming a small 'O', they would've thought he was beautiful; perfect._ _

__His hand lingered down, swirling his navel._ _

__Tyler snapped up, feeling ashamed of himself._ _

__How filthy._ _

__Good boys don't touch themselves._ _

__Good boys don't throw up, either, b-_ _

__Tyler stood, one hand against the wall._ _

__He flushed the toilet, walking out of the bathroom quietly._ _

__"Tyler."_ _

__The boy jumped, nearly scaring out of his skin._ _

__"J-Josh I-I-I-"_ _

__Josh held up a hand, signaling silence._ _

__Tyler clamped his mouth shut._ _

__"You did it, didn't you?"_ _

__He nodded._ _

__"Get in the kitchen."_ _

__Tyler whimpered, biting his lip._ _

"P-P-Please n-no Josh I-I don't-" 

"Now, Tyler." 

Tyler padded into the kitchen, crestfallen. 

He sat gingerly in the wooden chair, sniffling as Josh walked in shirtless. 

"You're not throwing up anymore today, Tyler. You're going to eat three full meals." 

Just him saying that made bile rise in the back of Tyler's throat. 

He just nodded, looking down. 

Josh began making waffles, the smell making Tyler gag slightly. 

A mug of hot chocolate was set in front of Tyler tentatively, and that was it. 

"J-J-Josh I'm g-gonna-"  
Tyler covered his mouth with his hand, ultimately failing at keeping the vomit in until it was running through his fingers onto the floor and himself. 

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," He choked out, panting as bile ran down his chin and fingers, puddling in his lap. 

Josh wrinkled his nose, sighing. 

"Get in the bathroom, Tyler." 

-

Tyler hadn't even wanted to throw up then; it was just how sensitive his stomach had gotten after the years.

Josh walked in, looking tired.

Tyler had already undressed, his hands gently folded in front of him.

"C'mon; get in, Ty." His voice sounded rough and worn down.

Was he really that much of a nuisance?

Tyler stepped into the shower, turning it on cold.

"Are you okay by yourself?"

"Y-Y-Yes," Tyler began to shiver slightly.

Josh's footsteps echoed out of the room, the door shutting behind him.

Tyler breathed out, taking shaky steps under the water.

He needed to.

 _NEED ___.

Two cold, slick fingers reached into his throat, and soon Tyler had one hand supporting himself against the wall while the other held his convulsing stomach.

It was pathetic.

Dry heaves were the only thing coming from Tyler, making him whine in frustration.

A thin stream of bile swirled down the drain, but he wasn't satisfied.

Tyler leaned against the wall, his chest rising and falling quickly.

"Tyler."

Josh's voice made him wince.

"You were doing it again, weren't you?"

"Y-Yes."

Josh pulled the shower curtain back, wrapping Tyler's frame in a towel before lifting him out of the tub gently.

"I can't leave you alone, can I?"

Tyler said nothing.

He instead slouched into the bedroom, his head bowed.

The water turned off and Josh walked in holding Tyler's soiled clothes.

He threw them into the laundry basket, sitting on the bed in front of the other boy.

"What can I do?"

"F-F-For w-what?"

"You. This." Josh gestured to Tyler's frail body.

Tyler looked down, sniffling.

"N-N-Nothing."

He wrapped the towel tighter around him, swallowing thickly.

"I-I-I j-just want y-y-you to l-love me, J-Josh, I w-want t-to l-l-l-look pretty f-for y-you," Tyler admitted.

"You don't need to starve yourself to look pretty, baby."

Tyler started to cry when Josh called him baby.

Josh cupped Tyler's cheek, catching his tears.

"I c-c-can't J-Josh I h-h-have t-to-have t-to," Tyler took Josh's wrist, pushing it away weakly.

"C-Can't t-touch until I-I-I'm p-pretty for y-you, Joshie."

-

Tyler was sitting cross-legged on the floor, wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and an old shirt of Josh's.  
He was watching nothing, simply staring at the wall, his eyes closing for elongated amounts of time.

"Do you want something to drink, Ty?" Josh didn't even bother with food.

Tyler's eyes were open, wider than they should've been.

"W-Water. C-C-Cold water, p-please."

Josh grabbed a water bottle from the cupboard and filled it with ice and water, not trusting Tyler's shaky hands with a glass.

"T-Thank y-y-you." Tyler took the bottle, sipping the water fast, shuddering as cold rippled through his body.

"Tyler, how much do you weigh?"

The small boy froze.

"9-98," Tyler whispered, tears pricking his eyes.

"I-I-I'm so f-fat," He whimpered, covering his face with cold hands.

"Tyler, you're not fat."

"I-I-I a-am."

Josh wiped a tear from Tyler's face, picking him up by the shoulders and cradling him like a small child.

He grabbed the keys, walking out of the house and into the winter air.

It was snowing.

"W-W-What a-are y-you d-d-doing-?"

"We're going to see a very nice friend of mine, okay?" Josh set the shivering Tyler in the passenger seat, buckling him and draping a blanket around his shoulders.

Blankets and extra jackets were always in the car, for Tyler was always cold in any situation.

Josh started the car, turning Tyler's heated seat on, warm air blowing from the vents onto his shaking form.

When Tyler saw the words 'Dr.' and 'Therapist', he started to pale, eyes flicking nervously at Josh.

"W-W-Why a-are we h-here?" He mumbled, gripping his thighs tightly.

"You're going to get some help, Ty."

"D-D-Don't n-n-need h-help."

Josh said nothing.

He got out, picking Tyler up and carrying him into the office, the smaller one's face nuzzled into his neck.

Tyler heard Josh mutter to the secretary,  
"I uh, I need to get some help, for um," He gestured to Tyler, who was staring wide-eyed at the other people in the waiting room.

"Of course," The woman's voice was low, comforting.  
"Just fill out this sheet here, and we'll get you in as soon as possible."

-

NAME: Tyler Joseph

AGE: 26

WEIGHT: 98 lbs.

HEIGHT: 5'0

EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBER:-

Tyler was muttering nervously, glancing at Josh for reassurance.

PLEASE CHECK ANY OF THE FOLLOWING: 

•ADHD

•Alcohol Addiction

×Anxiety

•Autism

•Bipolar

•Borderline Personality

×Depression

•Drug Addiction or Use

×Eating Disorders

•Gender Dysphoria-

"J-J-Josh?"

Josh looked up from the paper he was filling out, Tyler whining and looking ready to cry.

"I w-w-wanna g-go h-home, J-Josh."

"All right, we'll go, just let me finish this," Josh marked the boxes that said 'Speech Impediment', 'Sleep Terror Disorder', 'Stuttering', 'Separation Anxiety', 'Selective Mutism', and finally, 'Panic Attacks', before standing and handing the clipboard to the secretary.

There was so much more to be marked, Josh thought as he looked at his boyfriend.

It was saddening to know that he'd seen every symptom he checked with an X from Tyler.

He simply couldn't have done anything about them; if he'd confronted Tyler the poor thing would have a nervous breakdown.

"C'mon, Ty, let's go home."

-

"D-D-Do I h-have to g-go to the d-doctor's n-now?"

"No, Tyler, Dr. Urie is going to help you, okay? He's not a bad doctor."

"O-Okay," Tyler fiddled with the blanket around him, staring out of the window.

"I love you, Tyler, you know that, right?"

"Y-Yes," Tyler flushed, looking down.

"I-I l-l-l-love y-you too."

-

Tyler liked snow.

It swirled in through a crack in the window, landing on his lap.

He touched a flake, wincing slightly at the way it melted beneath his touch.

Tyler felt like snow sometimes.

Fragile and delicate, disintegrating under a single touch.

But at the same time; cold and heartless, sharp and icy.

Josh was like the wind.

Wind was fierce, harsh.

It was also calm and warm.

It kept the snow in check; kept it moving, on it's way to better places.

Better places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO LIKE  
> FRENCH FRIES  
> FROM MCDONALD'S  
> AND SPRITE  
> NEVER  
> EVER  
> MIX  
> THEY TASTE SO BAD TOGETHER 
> 
> I AM NOT OKAY


	3. You'll Know Once You Taste It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is a dirty, dirty boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a good day today  
> I'm officially one month clean (from self-harming)  
> I'm very proud of myself  
> Anyways 
> 
> <3

"Are y-you g-g-g-gonna l-leave m-me..?"

"Of course not, baby, why would I?"

Tyler was cradled in Josh's arms, face nuzzled into his chest.

"I-I'm a-a b-b-big mess."

"You're my big mess," Josh kissed the top of Tyler's head and the boy shivered beneath him, a goofy smile playing on his lips.

Tyler played with a strand of Josh's cherry red hair, humming softly.

"You need to eat something tonight, Ty."

He froze, eyes locked on Josh's neck.

"D-D-Do I h-have t-to?"

"Yes."

Tyler flinched at the sternness in Josh's voice; how authoritative and dominant he sounded.

"Okay," He mumbled, shrinking down into Josh's lap.

"Good boy," Josh praised, and Tyler felt something tighten in his chest.

It felt nice to be praised; it felt _good_.

"J-Josh?"

"Yes?"

"H-How did w-w-we m-meet?"

"You fell on top of me at Starbucks, remember?"

Tyler smiled a little, remembering that day.

He had stopped into a Starbucks and bought a coffee (Not that he was ever going to drink it, no; "Have you SEEN the calories in those??" He'd complained)

On the way to set his coffee down and make his way, slowly but surely, to the bathroom, he ended up tripping and spilling his mocha all over Josh's lap.

After trying to clean it up while blushing furiously, realizing that he was rubbing Josh's crotch and apologizing like crazy, his stutter even worse, Josh finally stood, holding the small boy's shoulders gently, telling him that it was fine and for him to wait here while he cleaned up.

Tyler was near tears by then, wringing his hands and sitting on the edge of his chair.  
Josh had walked back, his jeans somewhat clean and a grin on his face.  
He sat down across from Tyler, mumbling sweet things and comforting words to calm him down, all while holding his fragile hands in his own.

They introduced each other, Tyler's words still barely sensible.

Josh had ever since cradled Tyler like a child, soothing his panic attacks and hushing his crying.

Well, when he was able to.

-

"Stay here, baby, I'm gonna go make some hot chocolate; you want water?"

Tyler nodded, pulling his knees into his chest as Josh set him down on the couch, alone.

"I'm going to be right in the kitchen, okay? Right here," Josh pointed at the open bar, where Tyler could peek in and make sure he wasn't going to leave him and run away.

"O-Okay," Tyler bit his lip, heart wrenching when Josh disappeared for a split second, only to reappear behind the bar.

Tyler watched Josh pour the powdered mix into a cup, it's contents steaming.  
He watched Josh stir his mug, sipping it before filling Tyler's bottle with icy water.

Tyler turned and pretended to watch whatever show was playing mindlessly on the TV when Josh walked back in.

He didn't want to seem desperate.

Right?

It was too late for that, the voice in his head hissed.

"T-Thank y-y-you," Tyler mumbled, his thin fingers wrapping around the bottle, shaking slightly.

It was hard to recall, but Tyler remembered when he played the piano, the ukulele.  
Before his hands shook and breath hitched.

When he was happy and carefree.

He was disgusted when he'd see old pictures, a thin pudge on his stomach, thighs full and hips wide.

Of course, his lower body hadn't changed, but thank God he got rid of that nasty fat on his stomach.

-

"Ty?"

Tyler snapped back up, eyes wide.

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you wanted to watch anything in particular," Josh raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, n-no, it's f-f-fine," He mumbled, fiddling with the corner of his blanket.

Tyler heard no reply from Josh, and he simply assumed he started watching TV.

Silly him.

There was a hand on his thigh before he could react, warm and creeping higher.

Tyler took a sharp breath in through his nose, heartbeat quickening as he watched Josh's hand trace up his thighs, resting near his hip.

"J-J-Josh, w-what're you d-doing..?"

"Tell me when to stop," Josh's voice sent shivers through Tyler's body.

"J-Josh I'm-"

"You okay?" Josh stopped, hands gripping Tyler's hips lightly.

Tyler's hand covered his mouth, and he just nodded, closing his eyes.

Josh went slower, his hands finding their way up to his neck, ghosting over faded bruises and scars he'd never noticed before.

The blanket was pulled off, Tyler shivering out of pure anxiousness and excitement now.

He let out a soft whimper as Josh lifted him gently, placing him on his lap.

"Still with me, baby?"

The brunette's face was pressed into Josh's neck, and, wait..

Were those tears?

"Tyler," Josh carded his fingers through the boy's hair, his voice warm.

"Ty, baby, look at me."

Tyler tried to compose himself as best he could, wiping his face messily.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry, J-Josh I'm s-s-so-"

"Hey," Josh took Tyler's hands away from his face. "You're fine, Ty, it's perfectly fine for you to not want this right now."

"N-N-No i-it's n-not Josh I-"

"I'm sorry, baby, I rushed on you too fast, didn't I?"

Tyler whined and nodded, pulling his knees into his chest, face nuzzled in the space between.

"I'm sorry, Ty, do you need anything, baby?"

"I want to be alone."

Josh seemed a bit taken back by these words, but he nodded.

"All right. I'll be in the bedroom, if you need me just call."

Tyler jumped up right as he heard Josh shut the door, barely making it to the guest bathroom before falling to his knees, fingers so far down his throat the bile was dripping from his digits when he pulled them out, his body bringing on more waves of back-breaking heaves.

It's okay now, okay now, Tyler, it's okay.

Clean, clean, clean, shiny inside and out.

So clean.

He slumped back, head hitting the wall a little too hard.

Beads of sweat ran down his forehead; ribs aching.

God, damn that dirty hand.

It slipped under his shirt once more, where the brunette began to tease himself with soft touches, going as far as the waistband of his boxers, letting out small moans.

Dirty.

This was _dirty_. 

Tyler had learned that good boys don't touch themselves without their master.

At least, before he met Josh, those were the rules.

Delicate fingers tweaked a nipple and Tyler was beside himself.

Why was he so afraid of Josh?

He wanted so _bad_ for this to be Josh touching him, soothing him, _pleasuring_ him. 

Fear always won.

Tyler imagined it like this.

-

_"You're filthy, why would I ever fuck a twink like you?" Josh would spat, bringing a hand down on Tyler's cheek._

_"You're weak. Pathetic."_

_"No one loves you."-_

-

"J-Joshh-"

Tyler clamped a hand over his mouth as soon as he moaned it.

Dirty, dirty.

Clean.

Get clean, Tyler.

He knew he shouldn't do it.

Two times in a row? Dangerous.

His two favorite fingers; his index and middle.

Left hand.

They fit so nicely down his throat.

Tyler only remembered gagging, leaning over the toilet haphazardly, and Josh's horrified scream as he felt warm trickle from his nose and his face hit the bathroom tile.

Everything was black and blue where Tyler came from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you like my forest fic reference 
> 
> im evil


	4. I'll Be Fine Without You, Babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You need to let us take care of him, Josh. Go home. Get some rest and take a break from him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry

White.

"You tried your best, Josh, it wasn't your fault."

Cold.

"Is he going to be-going to be okay?"

"We're pumping as much of the needed nutrients we can into his system. He's very weak, and his body isn't taking them well."

"I'm so sorry, Tyler.."

"Josh."

"You need rest. Go home, take a break, he'll still be here, waiting for you. I can give you access to visit him anytime."

"What if he wakes up without me?"

Pain.

"We'll contact you if he does."

"...O-Okay. Thank you, doctor."

"Call me Jenna. Here's my phone number, in case the hospital isn't able to reach you quick enough, or if you need to talk personally."

"Thank you so much."

-

Everything was cloudy.

Tyler felt tightness everywhere; his wrists, arms, legs..

Was he tied down?

He struggled, pulling against the fabric.

"He's awake! Call Josh and get Jenna in here now!"

Tyler whimpered, chocolate brown eyes opening one at a time, flinching in the bright light.

There were people surrounding him.

No Josh.

Where's Josh?

He felt a turning feeling in the bottom of his stomach, not sickness, but fear.

Eyes flicking from face to face, silently begging, pleading for one to be the boy he longed for.

"Tyler."

A pretty-looking woman in a pristine white coat sat on the edge of his bed, holding a clipboard.

She must've been the doctor, right?

Then why couldn't she tell Tyler was so obviously suffering from a panic attack?

His breathing quickened, arms now pulling forcefully at the restraints, eyes wide, movements jerking and shaky.

Trapped.

Tried to pull his legs up with no avail.

Tears streaming down his face, bottom lip quivering.

"Everyone, get out, he needs sp-"

Finally, she noticed-

"Tyler!"

The doors slammed open and Tyler cried out.

God, did he look tired.

Dark circles under his eyes, both of which were bloodshot and swollen, presumably from crying.

"Tyler," His voice was calmer now.

Tyler managed out a choked, "Josh" and leaned forward wantonly.

"Tyler."

He swallowed, taking deep breaths.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two-

"I'm taking him home."

"Josh, we can't allow-"

"I'm taking him _home_." 

Tyler winced.

"Josh, now we know you're feeling upset-"

"Tyler, we're leaving."

"Security!"

That was the word.

The word that made Tyler actually _mad_. 

They were going to take his Josh away.

"NO!"

Everyone stopped.

"I..am g-going...home," He declared, leaning back shakily.

His fingers were twitching nervously on the sides of the hospital bed, making small 'thump' noises that pleased him.

"J-J-Josh w-will take c-c-care of m-me."

"Tyler-"

"N-No," He snapped at the doctor, lip curled.

"I-I'm going h-h-home."

"Very w-well, Tyler, as long as Josh can..take care of you."

Hints of fear in her voice? Tyler wondered.

Even Josh looked quite shocked.

"S-Sorry," He mumbled, staring down at his lap.

-

Josh was quiet in the car.

"J-J-Josh?" Tyler picked at his hospital bracelet, grimacing at the big bold letters that spelled out 'ANOREXIC' on the plastic.

"Yes?"

"Are y-you a-a-afriad of m-me?"

"No!" Josh cleared his throat and Tyler did a double-take.

"I mean, no, Tyler, I'm not afraid of you."

Silence.

It hurt Tyler.

"I w-w-want to g-go t-to the d-doctor m-man."

"Dr. Urie?"

"Mmhm. T-That guy."

"Now?"

"Y-Yeah."

Josh took a sudden turn, throwing his arm across Tyler's chest, the car swerving a bit.

"Sorry. Had to if we wanted to get there in time," Josh muttered.

"'S fine.."

"I want you to know that Dr. Urie is a good guy, okay? He's not going to hurt you," Josh's hand stayed on the brunette's knee, keeping him steady.

"A-Are y-you gonna b-be there?"

"...I might be. I'm not sure."

"J-Josh," Tyler began shaking, gripping Josh's hand tightly.

"You h-h-have to b-be there I-I can't d-d-do t-this without y-you," He whimpered, biting chapped lips and tasting old blood.

"I'll do my best, Ty, but I can't promise anything," Josh's voice was firm, snapping Tyler back into reality, where he didn't make these sort of big decisions.

"And you need to be good if I can't go in, all right?"

Tyler sniffled, wiping his eye.

It was really cold; Josh forgot to turn the heater on.

"Okay, Tyler?"

His teeth were chattering, though it shouldn't have been that freezing; 70 degrees at least.

" _Tyler_." 

"W-What?"

"I-I mean, o-o-okay," Tyler swallowed the lump in his throat, choking back tears.

He couldn't help it if he didn't want to be alone; more specifically though, without Josh.

He didn't deserve Josh, Tyler thought.

He was a burden.

A mess.

Drop him off at the nearest crazy house and end it there.

The end.

The thought itched at the back of Tyler's brain, constantly reminding him to be a good boy.

He forgot a lot.

-

"Hi, Tyler, I'm Dr. Urie, I'm sure you've heard about me?"

Tyler wiped his clammy palms on his sweatpants, nodding.

"You can call me Brendon if you prefer, as we're going to be spending quite a bit of time together," Dr Uri-Brendon, was checking a clipboard with Tyler's information on it.

His expression was grim, but was replaced quickly by a kind smile.

Tyler hated fake smiles.

"Josh, you are staying here, no?"

Tyler's fingers were laced in his boyfriend's, gripping needily.

"Yes. For..emotional support."

Brendon tapped the clipboard, checking the last few details.

Tyler looked up, finally getting a good view of his therapist.

Black slicked back hair, warm eyes, deep, smooth voice..

He immediately felt comfortable.

"Tyler," He furrowed his eyebrows.  
"Who's Blurryface?"

The brunette paled, breathing shaky and uneven.

"N-No one," He whispered, looking down.

"It says here he's the reason you ah," He cleared his throat. "Harm yourself?"

"I-It doesn't m-m-matter, h-he's a g-goner-I-I mean, g-gone."

"We'll figure that out later," Brendon muttered, scribbling down a note.

"When did this start? The anorexic behavior?" Brendon glanced at Josh questioningly before looking back at Tyler.

"A-A long t-time a-a-ago."

"Does it have to do with anything in your past?"

Tyler let out a dry sob, covering his face.

Past, past, pastpastpast-

Tyler was naughty.

Dirty.

"Were you raped, Tyler?"

He just shook his head repeatedly, trying to block out the bad thoughts, bad bad thoughts.

"Were you abused?"

"Y-YES," Tyler yelled, tears streaming down his face.

"Y-Ye-s."

"Can you tell us about that?" Even Brendon sounded a bit choked up.

"I-I-I w-was...a p-prostitute," Tyler pulled his knees into his chest, hiding his face.

"I n-n-needed m-money, b-but I didn't w-want a-any of t-the sex," He mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut as flashbacks of greasy men with dollars clutched in their fists had their way with him.

"I w-was c-c-called ugly, s-slut, f-f-fat."

"A-And after I m-m-met J-Josh, I w-was clean a-again."

"B-B-But I s-still w-wasn't happy a-about m-my b-b-body."

"I f-felt dirty," Tyler finished, wiping his face.

"So you began.." Brendon made a motion with his hand and Tyler nodded.

"I w-w-wanted t-to be c-clean for J-Josh, n-not just o-on the outside."

"As for the..cutting?"

"Felt g-good."

"Tyler you're perfect just the way you are, baby, why didn't you tell me about this?" Josh had tears pricking his eyes, and he wiped them away quickly, not wanting to break his composure for Tyler's sake.

"I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry, Josh."

Brendon stood from the leather chair he was seated in, clicking his pen.

"I believe this is good, for today. I'll reserve an appointment next week, is that okay?"

Tyler, who was now encased in Josh's arms, nodded quietly.

"That's perfect." Josh's face was nuzzled in Tyler's hood, voice muffled.

-

"Thank you," Josh mumbled, standing and shaking Brendon's hand, Tyler waiting outside of the room.

"Spend some time with him tonight, make him feel 'clean', Josh. He needs it after admitting something like this."

Josh nodded eagerly, pocketing the appointment slip.

"Of course."

"Ready to go?" Josh opened the door and Tyler had his hood up, hands stuffed in his front pocket.

"'S c-cold," He muttered, licking his chapped lips.

"I know. C'mon, let's get in the car," Josh led his small boyfriend out to the sleek black vehicle, making sure he was comfortable and warm before climbing in, the ignition turning and sputtering alive.

"I love you, Tyler."

"I-I love y-y-you t-too, Josh."

-

They say opposites attract.

The insane look to the sane.

The hurt find the healed.

So much more was waiting to spill from Tyler's lips.

Josh didn't know it yet, but he'd saved his boyfriend from more than he thought.


	5. Tell Me What You're Doing On The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i am a piece of shit sorry

"Y-Y-You're _fat_." 

"Y-You're _ugly_." 

"You d-don't deserve t-t-to fu-fucking _live_." 

Tyler was standing in the bathroom.

The mirror was all too unforgiving.

He poked at his body, grimacing at the faded old scars and yellowing bruises.

Most of all, though, was the fat.

It disgusted him.

How could Josh love someone so..so...  
_Repulsive_? 

"Y-You're a-a fucking _whore_ , no one sh-should love a w-whore," The small blade in Tyler's right hand drug across his forearm, quite raggedly, too.

The skin was torn and bloody, like a kindergartener's fingerpaint gone wrong.

Drip, drip, drip.

_Just like that, Ty, feels good, doesn't it? Makes you feel so nice.._

Tyler flinched at the dark voice in his ear.

"Y-You're e-e-early," He mumbled, setting the metal down and opening the medicine cabinet with shaking fingers.

"Tyler, are you done in there?"

He jumped, nearly dropping the roll of gauze in his hand.

"Y-Yes, a-a-almost," He half-shouted, quickly wrapping his wounds too tight and tossing his clothes back on.

The door opened and Tyler was greeted with Josh's worried eyes.

"You okay?"

"F-F-Fine."

Tyler pulled his sleeve down and hid his hands behind his back.

"I'm going to take a shower, all right? I'll be right in here, and _please_ , Tyler, don't do anything dangerous." 

The begging tone in Josh's voice crushed Tyler's heart into a million pieces.

"I-I w-won't..I'm s-s-sorry," Tyler whispered, blinking back tears.

"Thank you." Josh kissed the top of his head and walked past him, shutting the door.

Alone.

It felt like a death sentence even though Josh was right there.

Tyler wanted to go outside.

Pneumonia was a slow, painful death, right?

-

He decided to wait.

Goodbye letters took time to write, after all.

Tyler was kneeling in front of the bottom drawer of their shared dresser, a drawer he had begged Josh never to open when they first moved in together.

It was open now, soft, silky fabrics falling through Tyler's thin fingers.

Lingerie that had been handled by too many.

Dresses, skirts, all of which had hugged his then curves, tight-fitting stockings and leggings.

It made Tyler sick.

Past memories flooded in, unwanted, like a broken dam.

Business had gone down ever since Tyler started taking those dieting pills.

Started popping mints in his mouth to disguise the taste of bile.

A lot of his actions had earned him beatings, slaps on the face, hair tugged, unwanted blowjobs, sex..

The list went on.

Tyler had wanted to be a singer.

Someone who made others happy with his voice.

Of course, it was hard, with a stutter like his.

That's one of the reasons he wasn't allowed to talk while working.

Tyler stuffed the garments back into the drawer, hands stinging.

He was a bitch.

Slut.

Whore.

Toy.

 _Toy_. 

The word rung in his ears.

The tears he tried to hold back won, spattering onto the carpet.

Not worth it, not worth anything, not worth-

-

"Baby boy.."

Josh's bare back was wet against his, warm water dripping into the crevices of his clothing.

He just wanted to make Josh feel good; to please him.

"J-Jos-Daddy?"

Dangerous waters, Tyler.

"Daddy?" Josh's voice was lower now; sultry.

"I-I wanna tr-try tonight," Tyler mumbled, reaching up to wipe his face and tangle his fingers in Josh's soggy hair.

"You really do, baby?"

He swallowed hard and nodded.

Josh's hands crept in front of Tyler's waist, bringing him slowly to his feet.

There were lips on his neck, sucking and biting needily.

Soft, quiet hands lifted Tyler up, laying him on the bed.

Josh was so gentle, so sweet.

He knew all of Tyler's weak spots; where to suck, where to bite and nip.

His shirt was lifted, and Tyler's breath hitched as Josh took one of his nipples into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth.

"Sh-Sh- _Josh_ ," He let a moan bubble from his lips, and that was okay. 

It was okay to feel this way, Tyler.

It was okay for you to like this, Tyler.

"What's this?" Josh murmured, holding Tyler's wrists above his head lightly and brushing against the bandage.

"H-Hurt myself. I-I'm s-s-sorry," Tyler breathed, eyes wide and pupils blown.

"Gonna make you feel so good, baby, gonna make you feel all better," Josh started to unzip Tyler's jeans, sliding them off until they pooled around his ankles.

God, how he felt self-conscious.

It was awful.

Josh cut Tyler's whimpers off with a smooth kiss, their lips moving together in harmony.

"You're so beautiful, Ty."

His boxers were pulled off and Tyler gasped, half-heartedly wanting to cover himself.

Josh dropped the towel that was around his waist, taking the moment to just relish the fact that Tyler was all his, this beautiful, flushed body that some might say was disturbing, but that Josh thought was absolutely perfect.

"J-Josh, I-"

"Still with me, baby?" Josh started rocking his hips against Tyler's, slow enough not to overstimulate the poor boy.

"M-Mmnggh," Was the answer he received, the brunette underneath him squirming and arching his back.

"J-Josh, I-" Tyler gripped Josh's back, his fingernails making crescent-shaped dents in the skin.

For a split second Josh was torn away, sliding the nightstand drawer open and pulling out a clear bottle.

It was in this split second that Tyler started to regret his decision.

-

It'sgoingtohurtyou'renotgoingtodoitrightyou'regoingtopanic-

Thoughts flowed in faster than Tyler could take them.

He took to twisting his fists in the sheets, breathing quick and sharp.

"Okay?" Josh was rubbing the clear solution on his fingers and positioning himself between Tyler's legs, placing small kisses onto the pudgy skin.

"I-I-"

He didn't want to disappoint Josh.

He didn't want to have to listen as his boyfriend took care of his problem in the shower, moans not caused by Tyler.

Josh stopped, leaning up and caressing Tyler's face with his free hand.

"Okay?" He repeated, voice softer.

"Mm-Mmhmn," Tyler let out a shaky breath.

One of Josh's fingers, his index, slid into him, causing a yelp to escape his mouth.

Legs spread farther apart, skin blotched with red.

_Ohmygodohmygod_

"Josh-!" He yelped, eyes rolling back into his head.

Delicate.

This was nothing compared to what he'd endured in the past.

A second finger was added, Josh's thumb massaging the area on Tyler's cheeks and thighs , helping to expand and make the stretching more comfortable.

"Josh, I-I c-" Tyler grit his teeth, eyes squeezed shut.

"Baby?"

"I-I o-oh d-d-don't st-stop."

Josh pulled his slicked finger out, instead pulling Tyler onto his lap gently.

"I'm s-s-sorry-" Tyler started, covering his face.

"Shh, hey, it's okay, baby," Josh let his hand wander down until it was wrapped around Tyler's hard member, stroking it slowly.

Tyler let his palms rest against Josh's chest, panting as he watched smooth hands pump up and down his shaft.

"O-Oh my god, J- _Josh_ ," He moaned, feeling that familiar tightness in his stomach as a thumb swiped over his slit, pre-cum dribbling onto the both of them.

Tyler sucked in a breath and let his hand grip Josh, pumping him sloppily, and a bit dry, too, pre-cum finally dripping down his shaft.

"So good, baby," Josh breathed, nibbling on Tyler's neck as the small boy came all over the both of them, shuddering and ultimately falling apart under Josh's touch.

Tyler kept tugging and stroking until Josh's cum was splattered on his face, white specks decorating his cheeks and lips.

"T-Thank yo-u."

"Don't thank me, baby, you know I do this because I love you, because I want to," Josh laughed softly, wiping drops of cum off of the brunette's face.

"W-We're a-all dirty," Tyler observed, swirling a finger in the mess on his stomach.

"Guess we'll have to take a shower."

"B-But you ju-just took on-"

"I'll take another."

"I lo-love y-y-you."

"I love you too, Ty."


	6. They Must Be Waiting For You To Move On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck 
> 
> fuck

Tyler was on his knees after Josh went to bed.

Filthy.

It hurt so _bad_.

He just sat on the bathroom floor, pondering over what had happened hours before.

He can't believe he let himself do that, to let Josh touch his disgusting body like that..

Naughty, naughty, naughty, Tyler scolded himself.

_Finally hit rock bottom, did we?_

"J-Just f-f-fucking _KILL_ m-me alre-ady," Tyler sobbed, tugging at his hair. 

He decided it was time to go outside.

~~I need something to kill me~~

~~I am tired of taking my own life~~

Wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and an old skeleton hoodie, Tyler swung the front door open, walking into the snow covered street.

It felt nice.

He fell to his knees, tears melting the small piles of snow beneath him.

Knuckles bleeding from where they hit the asphalt too hard.

"I-I-I'm a g-goner," Tyler laughed shakily, his voice cracking.

"S-S-Somebody c-catch my b-breath."

His lips were turning blue.

It had to have been at least below zero outside.

"I-I w-wanna be kn-known.."

Snowflakes swirled around him; some landing in his hair, others his long eyelashes.

He could see his breath, coming out like big puffs of smoke.

"B-By y-y-you."

 _This is how you're going to die?_

_What a waste._

-

Surely by now Josh would've noticed the cold space next to him.

He must've had to have noticed the cold air blowing in from the open front door, snow piling on the hardwood.

He couldn't have missed the small figure crouched in the road, rocking slightly and mumbling nonsense.

He couldn't have missed it because it was his boyfriend.

"TYLER!"

It seemed like the world stopped with that word.

As if, everything was just blank; silent.

All you could see were lips moving, hands picking up a cold, nearly lifeless body.

Not a sound to be heard.

It was like the world lost it's color, except for those icy blue lips and deep purple fingers, of course.

The snow seemed saddened by the boy's leaving, as if it enjoyed sticking to him.

It cried as the car peeled out of the driveway, smearing the pristine white flakes all over the street.

But of course, one sound was heard.

The gently, painfully slow beating of a heart.

Thump, thump, thump.

Thump, thump.

Thump.

-

"Pneumonia."

"You're lucky. _He's_ lucky you were there." 

Voices rang through Josh's head.

"He's clinically insane, Joshua, we can't let you take him home."

"Therapy doesn't work for someone like him."

"We're sorry."

Sorry.

"Everyone's sorry." Josh heard himself spit, tears running down his cheeks.

"Everyone's fucking _sorry_ , but no one ever tries to _fix_ him." 

Silence.

He had little time left.

Little time until Tyler was scheduled to be admitted to Twin Oaks Asylum, where 'Everyone is taken care of with the upmost care and attention'.

Tyler wouldn't want to go there, he thought, staring at the pale, emotionless boy laying in front of him.

Eyelashes casting shadows over his sunken cheeks, lips turned down just a tad.

Peaceful.

-

"J-Josh, w-w-where's Josh-?"

"Calm down, Tyler, everything's fine."

It was NOT fine, it wasn't, where's Josh? Wherewherewherewhere??

Tyler sat up, pulling at the fabric wrapped tightly around his torso.

Crazy?

He wasn't crazy.

Right?

Why was he restrained then?

"P-Please l-l-let me g-go."

"We can't do that, Tyler."

"W-Why n-"

Something stung his neck and Tyler felt his eyelids droop as a man with red hair burst through double doors.

-

"What the fuck-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO HI-" Josh's mouth was covered by a gloved hand, his wrists being forced behind his back.

"Take him out until he's calmed down."

"Tyler! TYLER! TYL-"

He thrashed, kicking and shoving as many guards as he could.

"Let me back in there! I have to see him-he's my-"

A gun clicked and Josh froze.

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to please calm down."

He put his hands behind his head, backing away from the officer.

The gun poked his back and he flinched.

"Thank you."

"What are you doing with Tyler?" He asked slowly, trying to keep a steady composure.

"The doctors will tell you once they're through. You've been ordered to go home, and I suggest you listen before you get yourself into something a lot more dangerous."

Josh said nothing.

The officers escorted him home, watching to make sure the door was shut when they left.

The boy simply sat against the door, face in his hands, sobbing.

He lost Tyler.

He couldn't protect him and now he was _gone_. 

It was all your fault, Josh told himself.

You should've known Tyler wasn't stable.

You should've tried to help when you first saw the signs.

You should've, you should've, you should've..

As worthless as Josh felt, he needed to stay strong.

Not just for his own sake, but for Tyler's.

_You said you were scared when you talked to them today_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuc k  
> oh  
> right 
> 
>  
> 
> yeah ive been deleting some of my fics 
> 
> bc i havent updated them in a long time and i just 
> 
> its stressfulok sorry


	7. Running In Circles, Now Look What You've Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahahaha ok

"Y-You didn't l-l-let me s-say g-goodbye."

Tyler was crying.

"Y-You took h-h-him and-and n-now he's _gone_ a-and you didn't e-even let me sa-say goodbye-" 

"You weren't in a stable condition, Tyler."

The room was white, the brightness of it blinding the boy's chocolate brown eyes.

"W-Why am I-I he-here?"

"We're here to help you."

"I d-didn't ask wh-why y-you were h-here."

"Why," Tyler started, calming his voice.

"Am I here?"

He scared himself.

The first sentence he'd ever spoken without stuttering, and it wasn't even what he wanted to say.

The first sentence he wanted to say without a stutter was _I love you_ , specifically, to Josh. 

"You're not right, Tyler, up here," A nurse tapped the side of her head, her words long and drawn out like Tyler was a child,

"I'm n-not st-stupid." He spat.

The nurse went silent.

Tyler struggled against the straightjacket wrapped around him.

"W-Why this?"

"Cautionary purposes. Safety." A doctor standing next to the nurse now spoke.

"I w-want Josh."

"You'll get to see him in three mont-"

"I w-want h-him _now_." 

"We can't do that."

The doctor and nurse left without another word, leaving Tyler in an empty room with nothing but his thoughts to haunt him.

 _Congratulations, we finally reached the crazy house. Are you proud?_

"S-Stop."

And he did.

 _I'm not the worst thing in this place._

Blurryface went silent afterwards, making Tyler shiver.

He simply sat, rocking slightly and humming nonsense tunes while eyes darted around the room, wide and afraid like a wild animal.

There was a knock on the door two hours later.

A different nurse walked in, carting a device Tyler thought came straight from Hell.

But he knew exactly what it was.

A simple metal chair, equipped with straps on the arms and legs, along with a small tray attached to the side, bowls and plates of assorted food items sitting neatly atop it.

"N-No, please, n-"

Straightjacket taken off, twitching hands clamped down to the chair, his legs coming next.

Tyler thrashed, fingernails scratching into the steel, feet kicking weakly.

He didn't even want to _know_ what was in the spoon the nurse started to approach his mouth with. 

He shut his mouth tightly, turning his head and grimacing at the substance.

The nurse hadn't said a word to Tyler, yet she looked about ready to either scream or strangle him.

"P-Please I-mmngh-!"

The spoon was shoved into Tyler's mouth and he wanted to vomit.

It tasted sweet; like pudding.  
A hand was put over his mouth, preventing him from spitting anything out.

And forcing him to swallow.

It was like digesting thousands of tiny bugs to Tyler, his stomach making displeased noises as more spoonfuls were shoved into his mouth.

He felt filthy.

Disgusting.

-

 _Text message from: Brendon_

_Hey I heard what happened to Tyler; they didn't tell me a thing. You can press charges, you know_

Josh was face-down in bed, on Tyler's side, actually, just breathing in the scent of his boyfriend.

It was flowery, like daisies and tulips, sweet plants that bloomed when and wherever they wanted.

When his phone buzzed he jumped, sitting up groggily and running a hand through his tangled, dirty red hair.

He had barely slept since Tyler left.

Barely moved.

It'd only been a day or two, at least, but Josh was a wreck.

Tyler was his everything.

Not being able to protect his everything, well...  
It messed with his head.

"Press charges..?" Josh mumbled, eyes squinting at the text on the screen.

_Text reply to: Brendon_

_Define 'press charges'??_

His response was immediate.

The phone rang twice, Josh picking it up after sighing inwardly.

"Yeah?"

"Hey. How you holding up?"

"Not great. What is it, Bren?"

"Hear me out. Just come over for a bit and we can talk, it'll help your current state, man, you need it."

Josh rubbed his temples, clicking his tongue.

"All right..Fine. Just for a little bit though."

"There's the Joshua I remember."

The line crackled and went dead.

After a lot of arguing with himself, Josh finally got up and around, even going as far as showering and picking out new clothes.

When he stepped outside he froze.

The imprint of Tyler's form was still in the road, along with frantic footprints, a light layer of snow covering them.

He walked to his car in silence.

-

Brendon was an old friend, a friend who had stayed with Josh through high school until he went off to become a therapist and left Josh with the words, "Remember; there's no such thing as a bad dick."

Josh chuckled at the words, thinking back to how Brendon had been shit-faced drunk and had three girls hanging off him.

Typical college boy.

Josh was proud of him, though, going off and maturing as much as he did.

"Josh. Come on in," Brendon's house was at least three stories, beautifully decorated and festive.

"You uh, really went all out, huh?"

"Yeah, I like to be as, how could I put this, _flamboyant_ as possible," The taller man smirked.

"Mmm." Josh nodded, a smile playing on his lips.

"Anyways," Brendon gestured towards a fine leather couch in the room Josh assumed was the living area.

"Let's talk."

-

Tyler was falling apart.

_Look how fat you are; it's disgusting._

There was a single mirrored wall in the room.

It was Hell.

He always had to look at himself, his body, his face, his-

 _Josh definitely isn't going to get you now. You're stuck here forever._

He had thrown off his hoodie, revealing a bare chest with scars littering the skin.

"Dirty, dirty, _dirty_ , DIRTY-!" Tyler was slamming his hands against the glass, sobbing at his figure.

A hairline crack began at the corner of the wall.

The door slammed open and cold hands ripped Tyler from the wall, a sharp needle poking into his skin.

He blinked slowly, pretty colors tinting his vision.

Pretty colors.

Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty...

And it was black.

 _You say things with your mouth, cobwebs and flies come out_

_I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow_

_"Sorry, Joshie, I'm sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to Joshie, I only did it because I love you, really I-ah-!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you guys like this bc i havent been getting much feedback lmao


	8. Give You My Word As You Take It And Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well fuck diddly doo 
> 
> hey follow me on twitter @Tyjo_Jishua 
> 
> lmao 
> 
>  
> 
> merry christmas you crazy kids wheeeee

"So, technically speaking, since you were never given a real...notice, that Tyler was being admitted to the mental hospital, you could press charges-"

"But I don't want money."

Brendon pulled his glasses down and pursed his lips.

"Joshua, I'm not trying to get you money, I'm trying to get you Tyler back. The only way to do this is to press charges," He set down the piece of paper in his hand, leaning back with a mug of coffee.

Josh was on the edge of his seat, however, eyes scanning legal documents printed from the internet with full intent on 'rescuing' Tyler (Or so he had said).

"Why not let them fix him up, man? It might do some good, you never know."

The red-haired man grimaced.

"I'm going to fix Tyler. I don't need anyone else to help me, _especially_ not doctors or nurses." 

"Ouch."

He rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean, Bren."

-

 _They're feeding you a lot lately, haven't they? Ever since they brought that machine in._

It hadn't taken very long for Tyler to notice the amount of food that was being fed to him, more and more by each hour.

They had brought in a machine that strapped a mouthpiece onto Tyler's face, liquid-like substances that constituted as food pumped in through a tube.

It made him sick.

His belly stuck out slightly from all the overstuffing they had done.

Tyler felt dirty and used, almost like a cheap whore.

It stung worse, in fact, to remember that he was a cheap two-dollar slut before.

_Always feeling sorry for yourself, aren't you?_

"S-Stop, please," He wiped tears from his face, eyes stinging from too much rubbing.

Curled up in a corner of the room, alone.

Mostly.

Blurryface stood over him, casting a sickening shadow.

He put dirty thoughts into Tyler's head; Tyler getting shot, getting strangled, punched, beat, _raped_. 

"N-No-!" He cried, ripping and pulling at his hair.

 _Don't like that, hm?_

The image changed and showed Josh raping Tyler.

He was smacking at his temples, the heel of his hand digging into the skin.

"N-No, no, n-n-no-"

He clawed at his arms, his face, leaving pretty red lines all over his body.

Tears washed over it all.

"J-Joosshh," Tyler moaned out, begging, pleading, for the red-haired man.

"Josh, p-pleeease," He yowled, sounding like a helpless animal.

There was no answer.

He wasn't surprised, of course.

There never was.

-

"Can't you get him out of there?"

"Josh, I've tried as much as I could; there's no way I can do anything, I'm just his therapist."

"I'm going to the asylum. What's the address?"

"Dude, that's not a good idea. They're really strict over there. I'm sure they'll know who you are and not let you in."

"I'll use a fake name. Someone else's."

"That's about as illegal as it gets."

"Please, Josh, it's not worth going through that, and even if you do see him, you might not like what you see.."

"W-What?"

"They're kinda..Odd at that place. I've only been there once, but.." Brendon shivered.

Josh grabbed his keys and jacket, biting his lip.

"Well, going there is better than sitting here and doing nothing while Tyler is losing his mind."

-

"Name?"

"Ah, um-Dallon Weekes."

"..Age?"

"28."

"And you're here to see...?"

"T-Tyler Joseph."

The woman behind the counter pursed her lips, looking up.

"First off, using a fake name is against the law, sir, and second, Tyler Joseph is off-limits for any visits."

Josh gripped the counter, sighing.

"My name is Josh Dun. Tyler's my boyfriend-I just, please, let me see him. They took him from me," He started tearing up, his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Dun, but I've been given clear instructions not to let anyone see him-"

"Can I just look at 'im? I-I'm sure you have cameras, r-right?"

The secretary closed her eyes for a moment.

"I...suppose I can let you _observe_ him." 

Josh choked out a shaky laugh.

"T-Thank you so much, I-"

"But," She leaned in, whispering,

"No one is allowed to hear about this, okay? I'm risking my job here."

He nodded fast.

"Right, I-I mean, yes, I'll keep quiet."

"Come with me."

-

Josh was led to a plain room filled with monitors and a desk, rooms of patients being projected.

"He's number 180."

He leaned forward, eyes scanning the screens until he found a tiny '180' engraved on the plastic.

He choked.

"He-He looks awful, what did y-you _do_ to him?" Josh covered his mouth, muffling sobs. 

The boy was crouched in a corner of his room, yelling nonsense and tugging at his hair, a nonexistent force torturing him.

He had new bruises, new wounds.

He was sickly, looking nauseous and shaky.

Worse than before.

"I can't..explain it, Josh. I'm just a secretary, a messenger."

"What's your name?"

"Debby."

"Will you...Will you, please, keep an eye on him? For me? Please," Josh eyes were red and pleading.

"I can-I can try." She swallowed hard.

Josh ripped a piece of scrap paper from the desk, grabbing a pen and scribbling down his number.

"Thank you."

Debby took the slip of paper, wiping a tear.

"You really care about him, don't you?"

"I have to."

Debby tilted her head questioningly.

"He'd die if I didn't."

-

It hurt.

Tufts of hair were stuck in between Tyler's fingers, stained with blood.

Drip, drip, drip.

_Remember when you tried to sing?_

Blurryface's shadow sat next to him, a spitting image of himself.

"G-Go away."

 _You have to die before I do that._

"Leave m-m-me a-alone."

He traced the pattern in the floor, tracing a faint trail of red on the white.

 _You never were that good._

It was so dark in there.

Or was it?

"Q-Quit making m-m-me see b-bad things," Tyler mumbled, swiping at the air in front of his face.

 _Look what you've done to yourself. You think Josh wants a little doll that's been abused and broken? No, he wants a new doll. A pretty one, at that.  
One that can treat him nice; please him._

"S-STOP-"

 _You think it'll be a girl? Because he's getting very close with a ginger._

"N-No.." Tyler held his breath, rocking back and forth.

"Y-You're just m-m-messing w-with my head."

 _Keep telling yourself that,_ baby _._


	9. Wish You'd Let Me Stay, I'm Ready Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidehidehidehidehidehid-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> i really like blurrytyler so

"L-Look at y-y-yourself. You're f-fat. U-Ugly."

They still kept the mirror.

Tyler was standing in front of it without a shirt, grimacing at the pudge now hanging over his jeans.

It wasn't natural.

It wasn't normal looking fat, no.

It was odd and unbalanced, not used to being on that body.

Tyler felt terrible.

The worst he'd ever felt, actually.

His skin crawled.

He felt like he didn't belong in his body.

How long had he been here? Two years? Five days? Eight months?

_Twelve days, seven hours, five minutes, three seconds._  
Tyler flinched at the biting voice in his ear.

Blurryface always remembered.

He sat, falling to the floor on his knees.

The ground hurt and Tyler knew another bruise would soon show up.

The door behind him creaked.

He turned, breathing heavily, pupils dilated like a cornered animal.

"N-No, no, n-n-no, NO-!" He yelled, backing away as the nurses walked in, rolling the chair with them.

He was ripped from the wall he clutched onto.

Anyone could have- _should_ have heard the blood-curdling sounds echoing through the room as the boy named Tyler who screamed he wasn't Tyler was forced into a straightjacket. 

-

Twelve days, seven hours, seven minutes, ten seconds.

That's how long Tyler had been gone.

Josh sat at the dining room table, watching the clock turn ever so slowly.

Court case to lawsuit, there was no way to get the brunette back. 

He was simply miserable.

Alone most of the time, getting drunk out of his mind to numb the pain of Tyler.

And as numbness went, it always faded.

Those were the moments when Josh would break down, crying, yelling, pulling at his tangled hair.

Alone.

"Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler," He would mutter, swirling his finger around the mouth of a bottle.

The image of the boy started to waver in his mind.

Brown eyes-no, blue.

Right?

Josh had finally realized how unstable he was without Tyler.

"Ow," He mumbled, a small cut forming on his finger from a jagged piece of the bottle.

He watched the blood drip onto the table, red and thick.

He probably should clean this up by now, probably should bandage the cut.

But instead he let himself bleed until there were audible sounds being heard as the liquid hit the puddle now forming on the mahogany.

Ow.

Brendon checked on him sometimes.

Now was not that time.

Josh was having withdrawals, you could say.

He needed Tyler; wanted him.

Missed him more than anything.

_You don't know what you have until it's lost._

-

Tyler shook and whimpered quietly on the floor, lips red from irritating plastic rubbing against them.

He didn't try to gag himself anymore.

It never worked anyways, for they'd always come back to fill the void he'd created.

They never missed it.

His hair was unruly and ruffled, pieces hanging in his face while others stood straight up.

 _You finally broke, didn't you?_

Blurryface's voice had a sing-songy tone to it, as if he was celebrating Tyler's descent into madness.

Of course, Tyler knew, he enjoyed it.

Blurryface always enjoyed watching him harm himself, hurt himself physically and emotionally.

It fed him, kept him alive.

Fueled his power over the brunette. 

_Are we finally gonna do it, Ty? Are we finally gonna try and run? I've been listening to your thoughts; Josh doesn't care about you anymore._

Tyler was silent, eyes wide and unblinking.

He was seated in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection.

Staring at the shadow above him.

Looking into the ruby red eyes he'd come to expect every day.

Watched as a dark hand touched his neck gently, bruises forming wherever it made contact.

Tyler looked up with innocent doe eyes as Blurryface stepped in front of him, kneeling down.

He simply touched Tyler softly, smiling to himself as pretty scratches and purple marks littered his skin.

Tyler looked as if he were a child; pouty lips, his small form cowering beneath his shadow.

"You know I do this because I care, don't you?"

Blurry's voice was open now; not just in Tyler's head.

"I-I'm, I d-don't.." He shook his head slightly, glancing down.

"It's just us now, sweetheart."

"J-J-Just us?"

He nodded.

"Don't be afraid anymore, Tyler."

"I-I'm s-sorry.."

"It's okay," A kiss was given on Tyler's forehead.

"I'll protect you now."

 _Joshua William Dun, I'm going to watch your blood drip between this boy's fingers. Tyler is going to be the last thing you see, except it won't be Tyler._

_It'll be me._


	10. I'm Not Ready, Eyes Heavy Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys haven't figured it out already this is not going to have a good ending okay bye
> 
> Oh yeah Tyler's physical state at the moment is how he looks now

Tyler felt alone.

Like someone left him.

_Josh is gone, baby._

"G-Gone?"

 _You'll find out._

Tyler sniffled, leaning his head against the form that sat next to him.

Quiet hands simply touched him, leaving scars and bruises.

He didn't mind.

"Y-You're really g-g-gonna s-stay with m-me?"

_'Course, baby. I'm the only one you've got left._

-

_Three months later_

Tyler walked out wearing new clothes, a new smile plastered fakely on his new face.

It fell when he was 100 yards from the place.

His frown finally showing off the hollow cheeks, tired eyes, sunken ribs. 

Josh wasn't there.

They'd called him...right?

Told him Tyler was free?

Clutching the full bottle of prescription pills his steps were hard on the cement, the sidewalk leading him nowhere.

It all seemed like an illusion, really.

_I was right, wasn't I?_

Tyler popped a light blue pill in his mouth and swallowed it dry.

Blurryface went silent.

Maybe he remembered where they lived..?

Tyler felt weak.

He'd lost the fat he gained, not as much as before, but his ribs were still visible at the right angle.

He felt bile rise the back of his throat as he imagined Josh with someone else, forgetting him.

Leaving him.

His feet took him to no particular place, he thought, until he was standing on his own welcome mat, wordless.

Should he knock?

It's his house, isn't it?

Three times his scarred knuckles hit the wood.

Tap, tap, tap.

Tyler liked that sound.

A girl with bright blue eyes opened the door and Tyler's heart fell into his stomach.

"Josh? Um, there's a boy at the door.." She said warily, glancing at the bottle in Tyler's hand.

Tyler's eyes filled with tears as he saw his (ex)boyfriend.

His hair was yellow now, Tyler's favorite color.

Like the sun.

"Tyler?" He choked out, stopping in his tracks.

Tyler's lip quivered, tiny white scars covering the once pretty pink skin.

"You..R-Replaced me."

His voice was barely a whisper.

"Y-You threw m-m-me away."

"Ty, listen, I-"

"Josh, you're GAY?" The woman stared at Josh, raising an eyebrow.

"G-Goodbye, Joshua."

His heel turned and Tyler simply ran.

He ran so far, as far as his body would allow.

He ended up back in his old territory.

Prostitues he used to work with mumbled nervously at him.

It was getting dark out.

"Ty? Is...Is that you?"

A boy dressed in tight-fitting attire stepped to him, tilting his head.

"H-Hi, Dal, um, y-y-yeah, it's m-me."

"Why're you here, honey? I thought Josh took you in and-"

"H-He..He l-left me," Tyler wiped a tear.

"Oh, God, c'mere sweetheart," Tyler fell into Dallon's arms, sobbing loudly.

The other girls and guys gave sympathetic looks, some shaking their heads.

They knew how hard Tyler's life had been, and were genuinely happy for him to have gotten out of this lifestyle.

"I-I'm back, t-to um, to w-work," He mumbled, cowering a bit when he pulled away.

Dallon sighed but nodded.

"Let's get you fixed up then."

-

"Josh, what the _hell_?"

"Jen, really, I didn't mean-"

"No, no, Josh, this is ridiculous. I don't care if you're gay, or bi, or WHATEVER, but ditching your boyfriend because he's got mental issues? That's fucking low, Dun."

Jenna was out the door before Josh could say a word. 

-

Tyler cried during his first blowjob.

The man had thrown him out of his car, cum and spit still dripping from his chin.

He shuddered, wiping his mouth and fixing the gloss that shined his lips.

"Ty, you're too good for this. You need to find somewhere else to work. I talked to Ryan and he said he'd lend you some money until you're back on your feet," Dallon touched Tyler's arm gently, offering him a tissue.

"N-No," The brunette shook his head.

"Th-This is all I-I h-have left."

-

Alone again, Joshua.

He felt like a thief, a robber.

Stealing Tyler's trust and snapping it in half.

Tyler was dependent on him.

And he just threw it away.

It was like murder, almost.

Ripping and tearing at Tyler's innocent heart until it was a bleeding, shredded mess in his hands.

He sat with a bottle gripped too tightly in his fist, tear tracks stained on his face.

Disgusting, he thought, ruffling neon curls.

He felt dirty.

All the hot water in the world couldn't wash what Josh felt that night.

It had burrowed itself deep into him, never leaving.

Guilt.

-

_Revenge is going to taste sweet, baby. You know that, don't you?_

"I-I don't want r-r-revenge."

A dirty strip club is where Tyler spent his hours off, sitting quietly and hoping no one noticed him.

But of course, he'd always be dragged off for some horny guy looking to cheat on their wife.

And he'd always either came out limping or coughing.

 _Just imagine his body below you, Ty. Just imagine his blood running through your pretty little fingers. It'd feel good, wouldn't it?_

"Don' w-wanna kill a-anymore," Tyler mumbled, shaking his head, knees pulled into his chest.

Fuzzy dark walls surrounded him.

The corner of a 'private' room wasn't too comfortable.

Or private.

_One more person? Please? It won't hurt, baby, I promise. It'll make you feel so good inside._

"Not m-my words, not m-m-my body, n-not, not, n-not-"

The door slammed open, two feet shuffling into the room.

Tyler curled up tighter and clamped his mouth shut, chapped lips starting to bleed as he chewed on them.

 _Soon, baby._


	11. What The Hell Were We?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Sorry. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i procrastinate sorry

"What'd you expect? You replaced him and left him alone, Josh; he was obviously not stable yet."

"I didn't call you to hear what I fucking did _wrong_ , Brendon, I called to ask if you've SEEN him," Josh's voice dripped with anger as he spoke into the phone, hands clenched in a fist. 

"I haven't, Joshua. You would know where he would be, wouldn't you? You're the one who loved him."

And with that the line went dead.

Josh sighed shakily and ran a hand through his hair, trying to recall and remember what little Tyler had said about his past.

He walked into their bedroom, opening the closet quietly.

It was there that he found the box of Tyler's old things he'd left, things Josh kept no matter what Jenna had previously said.

Inside were delicate things, stockings and lace that could only fit the small frame of Tyler.

It hurt Josh's heart to think about what the brunette had been through, how he'd managed to take refuge in Josh.

How he _trusted_ him.

Quiet thoughts floated through his mind like clouds, wisping away as soon as they arrived.

Tyler's "territory", he'd called it.

It wasn't too far from where they lived, right?

Josh cursed his memory and decided to try, to _attempt_ to find the tiny brunette. 

His car made more memories seep into his head.

 _"Turn the heat up, please, I'm freezing."_

_"It's like 60 degrees out, babe, how're you cold?"_

Josh felt stupid he hadn't noticed Tyler's silent shivering that day.

He felt rude after remembering his response, making the brunette shut down and mumble out a "never mind.." for an answer.

There was a skimpily dressed woman knocking on his window, startling him back to reality.

"Hey, big guy, you lookin' f'something special?" She popped her gum, tossing her minty colored hair to the side.

"More like a someone," He replied, chewing on his bottom lip.

The woman's face fell, and she tilted her head.

"And who's tha'?"

"Ty..Tyler Joseph?"

"You want THAT twink? Your standards mus' be bone dry," She scoffed, pointing lazily ahead.

"He's up there somewhere, if he's even workin'. Wouldn't count on it though, since he's such a pussy."

Josh grit his teeth but muttered out a thanks, driving off in the direction the woman's blood red fingernail pointed towards.

There were too many people, and he nearly gave up on trying to find Tyler just because how how difficult it would be.

And then he saw it.

He saw a brunette standing shyly on the sidewalk, long eyelashes fluttering as he kept himself from crying.

Even in the dark Josh could see the large, blotched bruises covering his legs and arms.

His stomach turned as his car came closer.

The details were all too unforgiving to Josh's eyes.

Frail, small, weak.

He was vulnerable, to say the least.

Tyler looked tired, beaten down, and just plain hurt.

But it was only when the car he knew too well pulled up next to him did his heart stutter its beating.

-

"J-J-Josh."

_Look at 'm, baby, just crawling back to you, isn't he?_

"Tyler."

It was quiet, even though the bustle of the city didn't stop for them.

"Why'd y-you c-come back?" Those pretty eyelashes blinked again, this time releasing a single eyeliner-soaked tear.

"I'm so sorry, Tyler," Josh's voice shook.

 _What did I tell you, sweetheart? They always come back._

"Th-That didn't a-a-answer my question."

"Tyler, I...I came back because, well, I.."

 _Get the knife. You remember where I put it? Right there, baby, that's right._

Tyler's hand brushed over cold metal when it lingered down to his hip, sheer fabric hiding it all.

 _Right in his neck, Ty. Not too far up, though; you'll kill him._

"Y-You lied t-to m-me."

"Y-You told m-m-me you'd c-come back for m-me," His dainty voice was now dripping with anger. 

"B-But y-you _lied_." 

He wants to use the knife, he WANTS to end everything, but he's dirty, oh god he's so dirty, but maybe this would help?

 _It would, baby, it fucking would, you'd be so, so clean, Tyler._

"Tyler-I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry; I was an asshole and I never should've betrayed you like that, but _please_ ," Josh bit his lip. 

"Give me another chance. You look awful, Tyler. I want to help you."

"I'm s-sick of y-your bullshit, J-Josh. Just l-l-leave me alone," Tyler sniffled, turning away from the car.

 _TYLER WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY?_

"I d-d-don' wanna," He muttered.

 _TOO BAD BITCH YOU BELONG TO ME NOW, REMEMBER?_

"G-Go away."

 _RAN OUT OF YOUR PILLS EARLY AND YOU'VE BEEN TOO SCARED TO REFILL THEM, HM?_

_SCARED I'LL PUNISH YOU FOR TAKING THEM, AREN'T YOU?_

_Answer me Tyler._

_Look at me._

_LOOK AT ME TYLER ANSWER ME LOOKLOOKLOOKLOOK_

There was blood in his ears and hands on his throat he was dirty dirty dirty so dirty but it was so nice, oh so nice.

Maybe Blurry would clean us? Maybe maybe maybe? Clean for Josh, yeah?

You have to be clean for Josh, Tyler.

Don't you remember?

Tyler hadn't realized he was screaming at the cement with bloody hands until Josh scooped him up into his car.

His face was blurry.

Tyler cowered from it, pushing his hands away.

"Look at me, Tyler, answer me. What's wrong? What happened?"

 _LOOKLOOKLOOK BABY I'M RIGHT HERE, JUST FOR YOU ONLY YOU_

"I'M NOT TYLER-NOT TYLER NOT NOT NOT," He screamed, hiding his face in his hands.

Sticky, gravel-covered blood smeared on his face, teeth chattering and pupils blown wide.

"L-Let me go, n-now, p-please," He begged, clawing at the window.

_I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU TYLER CAN YOU FEEL ME? LOOKLOOKLOOK TYLER LOOK AT ME_

"P-Please.." 

The words barely fell out of Tyler's mouth before he blacked out.

-

 _You disobeyed me, Tyler._

_Why did you do that?_

_Did you think that I would leave?_

_That you would be FREE?_

_Wrong, Tyler._

_WRONGWRONGWRONGWRONGWRO_

"Josh!"

"Tyler? Hey, look at me; you're so pale, Ty, what's wrong?"

Tyler was in his old bed.

He immediately cowered away from the figure kneeling next to the bed.

"Tyler, it's just me," Josh cooed, putting his hands up defensively.

The brunette shook his head, burying his face in the comforter bunched around him.

"Tyler," Josh murmured, placing a hand on Tyler's shoulder gently.

"N-No."

"Tyler."

 _YOU TALK TO HIM BUT NOT ME?_

_TALK TO ME TYLER LOOK AT ME I'M RIGHT HERE RIGHT HERE TYLER TYLERTYLERTYLER_

He started to shake, breathing shakily.

He refused to look at the red eyes staring at him from the corner.

They burned holes in his head.

Everything was muffled.

 _GUESS WHO GUESS WHO TYLER_

"Tyler!"

He looked he looked he looked oh god he looked and it was in him.

It was dirty and sticky and _wrong_ and Tyler didn't _WANT_ red eyes. 

_FEELS GOOD DOESN'T IT? SO SO GOOD TYLER_

"TYLER!"

"St-Stop, Josh, PLEASE JOSH PLEASE," Tyler was crawling to the yellow-haired man, pleading and begging.

He was cradled immediately, fingernails digging into soft shoulders.

"Help help help," He cried softly, blinking the tears out of those cherry eyes.

_DON'T PUSH ME AWAY TYLER I'M HERE I'M HERE_

_YOU CAN'T HIDE BEHIND THAT BASTARD_

Josh's voice was still muffled in his ears, making the world sound like cotton.

"I can st-stop it I-I can stop i-it," He sobbed, pulling away.

Fingers tugged at his hair, eyes clenched shut as he tried to force the entity out.

 _TRY TRY TRY YOU ALWAYS TRY TYLER_

It all went red.


	12. But I'm Not Hurt, I'm Tense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "H-Help me, _please_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so fucking sorry
> 
> Also sorry for the short chapter

"He's i-in me, Josh, in m-me, stirrin' up m-m-my insides a-and hurting m-me, Joshie-"

"Hey, Tyler, hey, who's 'he'?"

"I c-c-can't say his n-name or else h-he'll come back."

Tyler was folded in Josh's arms, finally stabilized after an hour of coaxing the poor boy out of the fetal position, nails digging deep into his skin as he rocked back and forth.

It chilled Josh to the bone to hear some of the things Tyler had been mumbling.

_Just a whore, you're just a whore, Tyler, dirty filthy WHORE._

_Who thought you could be loved? You're useless; unwanted._

_Alone._

"I d-don't want h-h-him killing you J-Joshie; you're th-the only one I've g-got left," The brunette choked on a quiet sob, gripping the front of Josh's shirt.

"Tyler,"

"Mmn?"

"Is it that Blurryface thing you talked about at Dr. Urie's?"

 _SUCH A SMART BOY HE IS TYLER I THINK HE'S A KEEPER_

_C'MON BABY IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT IT WAS JOSHIE WHO SAID IT DIDN'T YOU HEAR_

Tyler covered his ears, body starting to convulse again as he tried to fight.

Josh could do no more than try to calm him down.

And watch.

 _I'M COMING TYLER I'M IN YOU SO CLOSE TYLER SO CLOSE SO CLOSE ONE MORE MOVE AND I'M TAKING OVER IS THAT CLEAR?_

The brunette collapsed to the floor, blood seeping from his lips.

_I HOPE YOU SAID YOUR GOODBYES_

It hurt like hell; it hurt like a thousand knives were being shoved into his head all at once.

But then it stopped.

And Tyler was watching through eyes that weren't his watching hands that weren't his not his not his-

"It's good to see you in person, Joshua."

"Tyler, don't fucking play with me," Josh was standing now, back away from the black hands the black neck oh _god_ the eyes; worse than the devil he swore. 

"Who the fuck is Tyler, Joshie?" Those filthy eyes blinked innocently, head tilting and exposing the ink running down his neck.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Josh shouted, testing his confidence much faster than he should of.

"It's not your business what I did," His voice was so fucking _calm_ and it made everything about the figure standing in front of Josh even more intimidating.

"It's only your business what I'm doing right now."

Josh raised an eyebrow.

"And what're you gonna do now?"

"Kill you."

It was simply said; as if it were a normal topic of conversation. 

Josh's heart beat faster and he glanced at the door.

The door that was eight feet away and blocked by a demon.

-

Tyler was trapped in his own personal hell, to put it nicely.

Stuck in his head, helpless to do anything but beg.

Pleading for mercy, to spare Josh, to take his life; ANYTHING.

Because he was desperate.

Oh so desperate.

And as he listened to himself spit venom words at the man he loved, the brunette couldn't help but lose just a little hope.

Faith chipping away with each snap.

He didn't want Josh to die, he really didn't.

Even after everything that had happened, Tyler always was the forgiving type.

Blurryface, however, was the one to hold a grudge.

So now he watched himself, HIS hands, in fact, press Josh against the wall, HIS mouth muttering filthy things into his ear, HIS eyes HIS nose HISHISHIS IT'S HIS IT'S ME MY BODYMYBODYMINE BLURRYBLURRYBLURRY MY BODY

CUT MY SKIN BURN MY LUNGS BURY MY HEART SNAP MY BONES TEAR MY THROAT DRAIN MY BLOOD TAKE ME O U T TAKE HIM OUT MYBODYMYBODY MY

And it's when he overthinks the unthinkable does his subconscious self black out, allowing full control to the one and only.

"Acting so cocky, aren't we? But you're just a pussy up close, aren't you?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Josh's teeth were grit but his flushed cheeks told a different story.

"Big guy, big tough guy we got over here, yeah? Well, I can assure you that just because we share the same body doesn't mean Tyler and I are alike," Dark words cut Josh's skin, seeping deep into his heart.

"Sure does look like 'm, though, doesn't it, Joshie?"

Inked fingers curled into his shoulders, making him yelp in pain.

"You'll be doing that a lot more, I can tell."

"But let's cut to the chase, yeah? Get a little action happening, him?"

A slick tongue flicked over bloody teeth and Josh winced.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'm not gonna _rape_ you or any of that sissy shit," The fingers dug into Josh's chin, forcing him to stare into ruby eyes. 

"I'm just gonna make you wish you were being raped, all right baby?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right u little shits 
> 
> You better comment because that's one of the only things keeping me going right now 
> 
> once again sorryyyyy whoops leaving you hanging off a cliff aren't I well whoOOPSY DAISY  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Please

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeeeeey 
> 
> Okay I need to start finishing these fics 
> 
> assaaaaaaAAAAAAA


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